Food was very important in the life of my family as in many other ethnic families. At an early age children were expected to take part in preparation, serving, eating and cleaning up from meals both everyday and festive holiday feasts. Before I could tell my right hand from my left, I learned to set the table. A set of forks was put in my left hand and knives and spoons in my right hand. It was my job to dispense a fork from my left hand and a knife and spoon from my right hand at each place. Knives always had to face inward -- mother insisted. Then, whoever set the table had to make sure that there was a napkin at each place and salt and pepper shakers at each end of the table.
We ate a formal meal each evening. There was no wandering off until you were excused, and you always sat at an assigned place. You were expected to eat what was put in front of you on the table -- no picky eaters were allowed. I sat at the far end of the table away from the kitchen at my father's right hand. My brother sat to dad's left. Youngest sister was at mother's right hand, closest to the kitchen. Younger sister was to the left and my oldest sister sat between my brother and youngest sister. This arrangement did not vary for my entire youth.
We did not even have a kitchen table so all meals were eaten in the dining room at the dining room table. Mother liked a nicely laid out table. The wooden table had pads that protected its wood finish, and there was often a table cloth on top and/or placemats. Sometimes placemats were put on top of the tablecloth. Each person had a napkin ring and was expected to return their cloth napkin to its ring at the end of the meal. As you might expect, there was a strong emphasis on table manners. This sometimes set up interesting clashes. More on that at another time.
Some meals were served, but not in the kitchen. Mother would stack the plates in front of her and serve the food. If there was meat to be carved, my mother did the carving. Sometimes particularly as we grew older, serving dishes were passed around. This required some strategic thinking and diligence, since my father would often fail to pass the food along, and dishes would become marooned at the end of the table. Either my brother or I would have to move the dish along. This sounds simple, but it wasn't always so in the doing.
At the end of the meal one or two of us would be asked/told to clear the table. A cardinal sin for clearing the table was any stacking of dishes at the table, so clearing the table meant taking multiple trips with the plates and dirty silverware. Any utensil set on the table prior to the meal was expected to be cleared and washed.
Feasts and celebrations were more of the same, yet more. There would often be an antipasto served before the meal. This was served in either the dining or living room, depending on the crowd. Then, no matter what the holiday -- Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving or Mothers Day -- there was always pasta, followed by an entree and lots of sides. Salad was served and eaten just before dessert. Many a bewildered guest would stare at a lovely green salad sitting on the table or sideboard and think it was forgotten. Some would even boldly ask and were informed that: No! We ate salad after the pasta, entrees and sides. Visitors unfamiliar with our dining habits were often warned that the pasta was not the main course, so don't eat too much and fail to leave room for the entree. I forgot to warn my now husband the first time he visited at my parents' home. The main course was still staying warm in the kitchen while we enjoyed that pasta. He had two helps and was then quite stunned when the rest of the meal arrived. He found himself uncomfortably full at the end of the meal.
Dessert was served as a separate course after the pasta, entrees, sides and salad courses were cleared. Many feasts featured mother's marvelous rum cake or some other baked treat. Coffee and liqueurs were sometimes on offer with dessert.
The clean up crew would be hard at work between the courses. We always had a dishwasher. The first load of dishes would be busily washing while salad and dessert were being served and eaten. As the oldest of the three younger daughters, I was often on the clean up detail. If my big sister was home, we could very efficiently fill the dishwasher and seamlessly partake of the meal. While one hustled dishes into the kitchen, the other loaded the dishwasher making quick work of the task. After all of the meal was done, the clean up crew scrubbed pots and pans and put up any leftovers. Cooking, serving and cleaning up after a family feast was a big job, but many hands made light work of it.
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